Abaculus

To continue the theme of thou shalt not swear, I've just been to church to help my dad decorate the window for Harvest.

The window my parents always have to decorate is the one next to the High Altar, and everything as the name suggests in its literal sense (forget proper nouns), is high. Decorating necessitates a ladder, and even then the top of the ladder just touches the bottom of the window. My dad, being his usual fearless self as far as heights and ladders are concerned was at the top pushing bits of moss, branches, vegetables, fruit, scarecrows, and bits of shubbery I don't have a name for. My job: to pass him all this, so he may expend his creative flair, in the name of the Lord.

As the window has a fair amount of depth, dad jumped from the ladder onto the window. No firm footing underneath, and he was 20 ft up. At the time, I was standing back, to check out how the whole window looked, with my elbow on the altar.

Me: WATCH YOU DONT FALL OFF THAT BLOODY WINDOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!
Dad: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

Oops.

And there was an devoted old member of the congregation further back in the church busily decorating.

I really must be going to hell to party with the devil.