Abaculus

Life is an accident.

A couple of days ago, there was what looked like a white van man convention at our local community centre. I woke up to the sight of white vans everywhere, and curiousity got the better of me. Turns out that the entire contents of someone's house was being auctioned (they had died of old age). Yesterday I went to my first auction, one where you physically have to turn up as opposed to using eBay. In any case, the recent use of eBay encouraged me to go.

The prized possession in question? A lot 144, described as a collection of 100 postcards, some prints newer than others. Before being let loose, I was instucted by my dad not to show much attention to my desired intended purchase, and to just work my way casually through the goods. Aim: not to inflate the price.

At the start of bidding, I sat myself in the middle of the the front row, with the intention of seeing the auctioneer, even if his lips were moving a bit too fast. Turns out I was in a prime position to see the goods on offer, with the auctioneer behind on stage. I'd asked dad to bid on the postcards for me, as the auction was going at lightning speed. Items for sale around 400. My intended postcards were item number 144, and incidentally our buying card number was 144, that had to be fate surely? And yes, I had to sit through 143 lots before the postcards, however, I finally got the stuffed box for £20.

My parents went for coffee, and left me with the bidding card. Amongst all the trash, one of the assistants put a printer in front of me. Before my eyes flashed the concept of PUTER, and a glow surrounded the piece of tech. It was the modern equivilent of Corduroy, a case of one could not abandon and we should be united. I should state here, to this point I wasn't even aware there was a printer in the sale, nevermind inspecting it beforehand. All I could see on the box was Epson 810, photo printer. Photoshop possibilities flashed before my eyes. Up went my card, and I wasn't exactly sure how much I was bidding for, these lips tend to go a bit fast. I thought I had the said price, but up went my hand anyway, and again, and again. Turns out I got it for £12, not knowing if it had the leads, nevermind worked.

By this time my mum came back, and proud with my purchase, I turned around to tell her.

She replied, "Why don't you get the scanner as well?"
"What scanner?" came the urgent inquiry.

I flicked through the price guide only to find the scanner the next item on the list, and I'D MISSED IT. I was too busy bragging about my printer purchase to realise there was a scanner. Yes it could have been the biggest pile of crap invented, but even so a missed opportunity. Missed-out-buyer's rage. Dad then returned, not realising there was a printer on sale, and didn't quite get what I'd done immediately, nevermind the scanner. Once he did, I was greeted with his atypical Eeyore personality, "WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?"

The other item I wasn't aware of, a mixture of 600+ stamps, plus 8 wartime postcards. Stamps I know nothing about, but the postcards interested me. Up went my card once again, and I ended up getting the bundle of £8. We stayed for a while longer, I had intended to buy some books but they were going at such ridiculous prices that I just left them there. The furniture was commanding sillier prices, in the region of £1200. I'm told that these will be restored by 'the big boys from Chester', who will then ship items to the States to make a handsome profit.

Getting home, it was as if Christmas had come early. Turns out there was more than 100 postcards in the box, and 160 cards alone pre dates 1920. IThe rest from the 1940s - 1970s, there was over 600 of these. Aim: to sell online, and should more than recover my auction expenses. Then came the quest to find more goods to shift these, and went on an online spending spree, to buy bulk board envelopes, plus protective covers for the cards, doing the maths for price per unit and comparing suppliers. Was I becoming a business person without intending to?

The real test then came: did that printer have all its parts, and more to the point, was it working? £12 as an investment or down the drain? Turns out the printer was missing a cable to the computer (it has both USB and parallel port sockets), so I installed the drivers on an old PC using an existing lead. Pressed print to for a photo, and what came out was a load of incoherent dots that amounted to utter rubbish. Deep breath. Try a plain Word document, for black. This time a blank page. Ink or printer? A new black cartridge later (found in the box), and we now had black, and a decent printed Word document. I still need to get / install a colour cartridge.

Printer relief over, comments flew around like this, and pretty much lasted:

Dad: you really should have got that scanner
Mum: just think if you got that scanner
Dad: yes you would have saved a lot of money there

So it goes on .... parents can be particularly cruel. Taming their comments with the fact I'd already brought some bargains didn't seem to work.

As I needed a USB lead, I went on eBay in search of one. Using the search function, flashed before my eyes was a lead going for the mere price of 1p, and the auction closing in less than 3 minutes. Wasn't enough time to decide if it was the right product, but I couldn't let this one pass me by.

R: Al, its the wrong one. I've never seen one like that before.
Me: Bollocks. For once I hope someone outbids me.

I won the weirdleadthatIdidn'tknowwouldbeanyuse.

Moreover, the catch: postage came to over £2, and insurance was another £1. I wish to lodge a complaint, the cost of the insurance premium is 98% more than the actual value of the goods, what a rip off! Thought of the day: aren't insurance premiums meant to be calculated in terms of risk, not paying 98% more in terms of coverage? Awaits delivery of No. 1 disaster. I tried to convince both R and my parents that it would come in useful: an extension lead for the printer! An extension lead for a webcam! Such optimism was wasted, and cynicism abound. Apparently a 1p usb extension will be of no use, nevermind ALL THAT MONEY I PAID ON POSTAGE PLUS INSURANCE. For added measure, "You could have had a scanner, a brand new scanner belonging to that printer, and you could have scanned all your postcards".

Plodding on, on a mission against the biggest adversary I found the right USB lead on ebay, after consultation for my tech adviser. 98p more expensive that the dubious extension, then postage on top. Bargain: I didn't have to pay £1 insurance!

Now I await all the above, and see where it takes me. After all, life is one big accident.